Friday, July 17, 2015

Just to write

Writing is not an easy,
when there is nothing around or inside to empty,
yes there are lots happening,
Many things that we read and see grappling,
But the light or the darkness does not stimulate,
Enough for us to innovate or should i say Instigate,
Many people sit down every day to pen down,
happenings, fantasies and memories to drown,
But all we are drowning is ourself,
With the hope to rise within oneself....

Friday, January 30, 2015

By Far Between

From the title it is more like I have written about the gap between my posts, and I am starting to wonder If there is anything that I should be writing about.

May be my life has become quiet routine that there is nothing that inspires me to write about.

Well if that is the case then you must be wondering why am I writing this and making all of you read this. 

But then there must be something that is happening in your life. Take for example the movie that we ended up watching yesterday.

It was a blind date movie, and for those of you who don't know what it is all about, there is a Cinema in town that Shows a new random movie every Thursday, and you don't know what the movie is till it starts playing.

Well anyways coming back to the movie, the movie we watched was BirdMan. 

Lets say it was quiet a complex narrative and may be i understood some part of it, while I have no clue about the rest.

I did feel bad for the protagonist. (don't know if you have watched the movie, but there might be spoilers below this)

Somewhere knew that the guy cannot fly and it is all in our minds and the climax leads us to just assume or leaves us to decide what actually happened to the bird man. Why was she laughing after she looked out of the window?

All that apart, I woke up this morning with a dream that someone was lifting me up and flying away with me (Ok, those of you who know me might be laughing considering my size, well anything can happen in a dream). I guess I was shouting out and woke up my wife.

Did watching the movie have that kind of an effect on me? I never usually have such dreams. May be that movie was etched in my mind in a weird way.

I sure would love to see the movie again, just understand where I stand with respect of the movie. May be I will write up about that sometime if I find out what actually happened.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

A new Beginning?

Its been a while and yes i know i have not written, and it actually feels like its from another life that I wrote all those posts which are on here and am surprised that there are still people who are viewing these posts after nearly 5 years from my last posting.

Well not saying that what I have written is significant or that it is great to read, but it just feels nice to know that someone out there actually cares or may be accidentally fall prey and well reach here some how. I really pity those poor souls who reach here by accident and have to read these horrible posts.

And for the rest of you, I have no words. Some how I feel appreciated. Proud? Well A little. Considering when you give your time to read what I have written, its like giving me a part of your life. Spending some time for me. And I really appreciate you guys for doing it.

Any ways, enough about what I did not do and what you guys did. I did not feel like writing these past few years, somewhere along the way I felt that I had forgotten to write. Or may be something inside me had died.

Something creative was lost?

So many things that are hidden and so many emotions that are locked up.

They are there somewhere inside, waiting to come out, probably some day. And may be that day could be today. I have no idea. And I don't even know why I am actually writing all these here. But the words are flowing and I am just typing lying here on my bed.

May be this post may not make any sense to any of you who are reading this. No actually it definitely will not make any sense to you. Considering I myself have no idea what I have written till now , or what I will be writing in the next sentence.

But I know for one thing that this post is necessary for me. And I am not writing it for anyone to read. I am just writing so that I know I have it in me to write again.

To know that I am not dead, at least not in the creative way.

A friend who cries and tell me I am worth it. A girl who is ready to give up anything to make me happy. A set of parents even though they have not understood me, have loved me in their own way, way more than most parents would ever love their kids.

May be all these things put together, has given me a push.

Today may be a new beginning to this blog, if you can call it that. Or it could as well be a small burst of emotions inside me, which caused me to write these lines. Only time will tell. And I know some of you who read this will be still there waiting for it.

Thank you one and all.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

here is another one, guess it looks like a poem! :)

Someone told me,
autumn is the beautiful time of the year,
When the leaves are turning yellow,
from the green that they are,
and I got here and found,
that it was a beautiful season,
with the lovely person by my side,
made it look all the more beautiful!
but then something happened,
and winter came,
the leaves died out,
the trees were just branches,
the leaves had all disappeared,
and well so did she,
leaving me cold in my heart.
I am waiting,
for another spring to come along,
hopefully that spring will last,
for a long time,
before the winter turns my body cold again!

Monday, May 25, 2009


Is there a place that exists where I can be left alone?
Left alone by my memories...just leave me and go away?
My hometown?
It brings me down...
Memories do exists that is hard to forget..
Filled with regret..
The current city?
Memoirs of a beautiful time...
Filled now with twinge...
Sometimes I wish everything would evaporate...
Others when I want to cease to exist
But I know I should subsist...
And I know I will...somewhere...somehow...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

In pursuit of MBA, UK!

I was sitting near one of the gates in Abu Dhabi airport, waiting for my connecting flight to the United Kingdom. The Airport Lounge was crowded, No seats were available, I was sitting there on the floor, not having much to do than to look at other people walking around, and it was in the middle of the night that we landed here from Chennai. I started to think about the events of the day.

Earlier that day...

It was my first journey without my family, that too outside the country, away from all the people I know. I did see my parents and some of my relative smiling and waving out to me, I knew they were happy for me, but I could see my parents eyes feeling my departure, they have never been without me for a long period of time. It would have been painful for them.

Why UK?

MBA in UK has been something that was always inside me. The seeds for that go a long way back to my class 6th; I must have been around 10 at that time. My dad used to talk about how he wanted to study and was not able to because of his financial constraints and no one to support him. He wanted me to do an MBA in the London (UK). That was one of his wishes for a long time and I think it was there always. He always wanted me to get a degree in the UK.

Over the years it was not totally forgotten, I always remembered it, but I should say I never worked towards it. I was not much at studies. Got through school and somehow got into a college in Chennai. By then my parents wished that I would complete my studies properly. I did not think about UK or anything, just kept going with the flow.

After joining iGATE, about 1 and half years went by working my ass out as like many other people in the IT industry. When I again started thinking about doing the MBA in UK. When my friend told that he also wanted to do it, we decided to take it up seriously and work towards it. When we voiced this choice of ours two more of my friends decided to join in, of which one of them got married and other did come to the UK but is in a different university but it sure did have a lot of funny incidents in between and a lot of argument and a lot of time that we four spend applying to the universities and everything. May be another time I will go into the details of all that.

Well I had not told my parents about my decisions for now, I wanted to get the admission to a university and show it to them that I can do it. Because my dad or in fact my parents though that I would never get to do anything like this and they were accepting what their son was. I don’t know how much they would appreciate me putting all this up but still it just keeps flowing out.


Well my first hurdle to the application process was my consolidated mark sheet which I did not have and time was running out for the application process, I was desperate to get it. I had gone to Madras University to which my college was affiliated to and spend numerous afternoons there trying my luck to get the mark sheet, which seems to be a literally impossible task. And do you know why? They had closed the department and gone for paper correction to some unknown place and will be back only after a month! Well what else to do other than wait for it. Well when they did come back they just were not bothered about it and did not give much consideration they told me to give a request and a money order and wait for it. Well I did give it, after a week or so went back asking for it, and their answer was it will come in a month or so. My, these people were quiet fast in working. That is when I had to tell my parents about me going to UK and asked for my mom to help me out with the certificate. My mom is one impressive person who can get things done, I don’t know if it is because of her innocent face, or what, but she manages to get the things done. Well as I should have guessed the following week I had the Mark sheet with me and I was in the process of applying for the universities.

All this while unknown to me my parents though that I would could never get into a university in the UK or at least a good one. Well when my admissions started coming in my dad tried to talk me out of it saying, it will not be possible for you to do it. And my mom was like “don’t leave your work and go”, many of my friends also told me not to leave my work and go after this “stupid” dream of mine. But I was adamant, I definitely wanted to go. I had made up my mind.

By then I had narrowed down on the University that I wanted to be in and told my dad about it, He was impressed by the university that I had got. Not that it is a big thing to many people but to him it was certainly big. He was proud of me. It felt nice to make him feel proud of something that I had done, especially because it was one of the first times that I had actually made him feel that way with respect to my academics.

Still he was not entirely convinced that I could go away along and be there, and study. He told me how difficult it is going to be, and MBA is not an easy job. We spend a number of nights just talking about the difficulties that I would face if i left home. He told me it’s not an easy world out there. But at the end of it, my answer was always the same, I am going. If I am going to go through a difficult phase, put it on me. I want to experience it. How long do you think I can live under your wings? You cannot protect me always, though I know you will be there for anything and everything, whatever I do, right or wrong, you will always support me. As my mom said once when I was broken because of a certain incident in my life, “Why are you worrying? We are there for you as your two hands”. I just had tears in my eyes at that point. Even now there is as I write about this incident.

Abu Dhabi airport...

I hear the announcements again, they are calling for boarding the flight to London Heathrow, I gather up my stuff which is a laptop back pack and a Leather jacket, getting ready to board the flight, for the next leg of my journey...
The rest of the story soon...

Inside me...

I don’t know how much of this is going to make sense to you, but it is just random things that I am feeling. It somehow makes sense to me, however weird it may sound to you.

There are times in life that regret for certain things that we have done. Yes to say the truth I have a few such incidents which I feel bad for, which I repent, some of those things that can never be mended. Some may be it can be mended but don’t know how to go about doing it.

Sometimes you are in a dilemma as to what needs to be done and you go about doing things which you think might be right, without know that it is actually making the situation worse. It sometimes feels as if you are doing everything you can without being aware that your actions are causing pain to the ones who love you, which will push them away from you. And you realise it, but by then it is too late! Mistakes are something that everyone can do, some of the mistakes are done because you are not aware what you are doing is a mistake. You might think that your loved one will forgive you for it, it does not happen always. I have with my actions hurt a few people that were really close to me, and still are to my heart. Somehow I don’t know if I can ever mend that lovely relation that I had with them, and if there is a way I hope that god will show me the way to do it.

There were many people who came to me with similar problems that I had faced with; I have tried to help them in the best of the way I could, that is the only way I think I will be able to do some mending to what I have done. I have always tried to make the relation than to break it. But beyond that it is the couple who should decide what they need to do. I am not just saying this about love; it can be a friendship, or any other relationship in this world. I just hope the best for everyone.

Some of these things may cause the most painful turns in your life, But always do remember what everything happens, happens for a reason and for your own good. I just want to live now without hurting people who love me. I wish I could do that and I am trying my best to do it also. Because you are like a joker in a circus, wear a mask to the world around you, whatever happens in your life the mask will still keep smiling and the show must go on, because there are people watching you.